The feeling of loneliness really hits you when you get to university. Just look around you, everyone either has a couple of friends to talk to, someone to text and you are just sitting here reading an article about being an introvert.
The thing is, my identity as an introvert didn’t hit me as hard until I became a student abroad. Being a Malaysian, abroad in Australia was daunting, but I’m not going to sit here and talk about racism. Yes, there are prejudices here and there, just like any country, but that’s not the big issue here.
The big issue is how I approached socialising when I don’t have a core group of childhood friends to fall back on. I would often opt out of events or gatherings with what little friends that I have here in favour of home cooked meals and beating Pokemon Fire Red for the 1000th time, So with this being my second year here, I’ve gathered a few tips on what you can do as an introvert abroad and what you shouldn’t do (basically what I did that felt bad).
First, the do’s
1. Find a hobby
Okay, let’s start off with something light. Hobbies can be a great way to occupy your time. If it’s a sport, then all the better, you get to meet a bunch of people that love doing the same thing. At the beginning of the semester, University sports clubs tend to have free trials which you can go to. Those are great opportunities to meet new people and maybe build a few friendships. The best part is if you don’t feel like it clicks, just don’t commit.
There’s practically a club for everything in Universities. In some cases, you can even join the clubs in other universities.
Other hobbies such as animating and writing might put you (speaking from personal experience here) in a dark room alone all day. In that case, it's fine to keep these hobbies to yourself and experiment with new ones or join community clubs. These may include the anime club, [insert home country here] club, the breakfast club and many more. You just have to be open to going to those free trials.
2.Enjoy spending time alone
On the other end of the spectrum, being alone is fine. As introverts, I’m guessing that you are already fine with being alone some times. Being an international student abroad will really test those limits.
To cope with this, I tend to take walks. Long ones, without any expectations. There is an inherent joy in exploring your surroundings, looking at houses, shops, locals and occasionally finding a hidden gem that is a huge park with a pond and ducks!
Going for walks isn’t the only way to enjoy time alone. Learn how to make a meal, read, learn a new skill, anything. It helps give you time to think and best of all, it shows you how much you can actually accomplish on your own. I mean, that’s what studying abroad is for right? To gain more independence, which would mean more alone time. So learning what you are capable of alone is an incredibly triumphant feeling.
Also, don’t be afraid to talk to yourself, it helps, and don’t worry, no one is there to judge you.
3.Have a meal with people
Being a generally unathletic guy who has a lot of solo hobbies, I’ve found that having a meal with someone is the best way to get to know each other and bond. That’s how dates work right? I would never know…
Regardless, having lunch or dinner with a group or even just one person can make your day a little less lonely.
The tricky thing about this tip is finding the time. You might be tied up with course work, part-time jobs and general laziness, which makes socializing so incredibly undesirable, but trust me, its worth it.
I understand the struggle, I take a double degree course, which just means that I have 2 degrees and a no better chance at landing a job as anyone else. Generally, I will never have classes with the same people in a day. After my business class ends and everyone is going for lunch, I have to dart off to my communications lecture, not to mention the need for me to take the bus between the two campuses for the two different faculties.
Even so, finding the time to meet just one person for a meal that week can make living abroad a little less lonely.
4.Just say yes
In conjunction with the last few points and what I said in the intro, just saying yes to events, gatherings and clubs is a great way of getting out of your bubble. You don’t get any sense of accomplishment for beating Pokemon Fire Red for the 1001st time, so why not say yes to these opportunities.
It’s never too late to join something or someone, and if it doesn’t click, just bounce. As Greg Universe from the cartoon, Steven Universe said: “There is no shame in bailing.” Just try to say yes more often though.
The Don’ts
1. Obsessively check social media
Okay, I guess this applies to anyone whether or not they’re introverted or extroverted, studying locally or abroad. Social media can be a good tool to know about events and stuff, but it can also really sting when you see your friends from home, or even your friends here hanging out without you.
I found that Snapchat and Instagram stories really get to me, just by the virtue of them being in real or recent time. I’m not asking you to delete those apps, if you need it, keep it. But maybe don’t check them so often, put an app blocker on it.
Remembering that you getting upset won’t instantly teleport you to where the party is.
2.Don’t be a gold-hoarding dragon
Lastly, money.
Yea, being a student is tough on your wallet. Being an international student is even worse, with foreign exchange rates tripling your already soul-crushing debt. It’s something I have trouble getting over too, the urge to go out, but my incredibly light-weight wallet holding me back.
So, budget yourself. You don’t need to spend every single night or go out every single day. Pace yourself, make a plan. Maybe… once or twice a week?
One thing my dad told me, and that I’m still struggling to stick to is to “Not waste. It’s okay to spend on things you need. Money can be earned back, just don’t waste it.”
So here are the tips I have so far about how to survive as an introverted student abroad. Hope it helps.