"You are the man of the house now, you'd better protect your mum and sister. You hear me? You'd better man up." That's what my dad would tell me every single time he went on a work trip. And since the ripe age of 4, I questioned, "Protect them from what?"
As an Asian guy who just oozes masculinity, I… I can’t finish that sentence. I am by no stretch of the imagination the stereotypical manly man you see on television. I am short, not the best handyman and have virtually no interest in sports and cars. I get insecure about my looks and me opening up about my feelings can easily come across as confusing and complaining (exactly like what I am doing now). But does that make me any less of a man? Well, to many, yes.
To many, men are supposed to be protectors, providers, tall, muscular, tough and have a horde of women tailing them and squealing when they flip their hair or something. That’s what the world would like to think men are. Whether or not that’s true is up for debate.
The #metoo movement has highlighted many cases in which men are bad. From sexual assault to less than savoury verbal comments, guys just can’t seem to get a break these days. A huge nail in the coffin was when Gillette released a short film seemingly attacking and villainising men. These instances show how misogynistic and detrimental these behaviours are. The idea that men should be tough does have some merit to it. However, just do a quick search on any social media or news channels and you would see a flood of comments by men yelling “NOT ALL MEN”.
I’m not here to champion a single side, the #metoo claims are jaw-dropping, important and incredibly necessary. However, any single gender, race or any other labels cannot be classified with a few stereotypes.
As someone who often spends his days on the sidelines, I find entertainment in going through Twitter threads of the genders shouting at each other, both sides trying to generalise the entirety of their and the opposing gender. I’m not above it all though. Reading comments about how “all boys are sexual predators in the making” hurts. But when walking around with my guy friends, they would sometimes gawk at a random girl from across the street, rate them and urge me to join in. The awkward and pebble sized self-esteem I possess (actually I think a pebble has more confidence than I do) stops me from turning into a bunch of zombies that found their next brain. This eventually led me to being called “gay” and not a guy by guys and girls alike.
That really grinds my gears, not really about the accusations of being gay or that they can't tell I'm straight due to my reluctance to gawk at random girls. It grinds my gears because aren’t gay men still men?
Such comments about my manliness got me super confused. I am a straight guy respecting women, right? Living the best I can in this post #metoo climate, but I still get flak for not participating in traditionally negative gender stereotypes by both men and women. So what gives? It did make something super clear though, it made the thing my dad told me about protecting my mum and sister very clear. I was supposed to protect them from other men.
The post #metoo climate and Gillette advertisement have sparked many news outlets, claiming that men are now afraid to even admire or talk to a girl. But that wasn’t how I was raised, I don’t do it not out of fear but respect. I was raised to stay neutral, respect both sides, don’t judge unless you can take being judged, etc. I don’t want to seem like I am getting on a high horse here, I of all people know that all men are not animals driven by lust and the adrenaline of punching someone else.
The #metoo movement and Gillette film are also important, it highlights the most negative aspects of genders and what we should do about it. But we also need both the tough masculine men and the less aggressive soft boys and everything in between for the world to function.
This took me a long time to learn, but it did help me navigate through this era of outrage and constant picking of sides. If you don’t think it applies to you, move on. And yes, that includes this article. So stop judging, start living and start respecting everyone as human. Men and women, we can both be better to one another as human beings.
Okay ew, that's too cheesy, let me go break something to show the world my toughness.
Ok Bye.